Facing Reality

Reflections: A week from today I will be undergoing a modified radical mastectomy. As long as I was going through chemotherapy, I put surgery at the back of my mind. Now reality is staring me in the face!! I am not thrilled at what lies ahead of me but I am trying to put this event in perspective. I can be thankful that I have lived 60 years with no major health concerns. I have been given the privilege of being a parent four times over and have breastfed all four children. I am not losing an eye, an arm, or a leg. I am still alive!! I have talked to several women who have experienced breast cancer. Amazingly, no two stories are the same. Every diagnosis is different as is every treatment. By outward appearances nothing seems to have changed in their lives! These women are inspirations for me.

Treatment: On February 11th, I had a MUGA scan and some blood work. A week later, on the 18th I went to the Pre-Admissions clinic at the Red Deer hospital. I answered all sorts of health-related questions and was given information on what to expect next week and how to get prepared. I also had more blood work, an ECG, and a chest xray. On Monday I will be having a consult with the anaesthetist. My legs and feet are still swollen but I think there is some improvement.

Family and Friends: Sonja, Aina, Madison and Trevor had supper with us on February 15th. Sonja also stayed for a few days as it was Reading Week for University of Alberta students. After my appointment and some shopping in Red Deer on February 18th, I headed for Innisfail. Judy Hopkins hosted afterwork coffee and snacks for my colleagues and me. I have met with my colleagues regularly since my diagnosis. Time with family and friends are wonderful spirit boosters!!

The Beatles , Buddy Holly, Bush Fires and Me

It was 45 years ago that The Beatles appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show. That was their introduction to America. Does anyone remember that event? 50 years ago Buddy Holly was killed in a plane crash. While I ironed Helge's shirts this evening I enjoyed listening to Roy Forbes' tribute to Buddy Holly on CKUA.

Red Deer Hospital called today. My surgery is confirmed for February 26th. I also called the Cancer Center regarding the swelling of my legs and feet. My information on the antibody Herceptin tells me that this is a side effect. I expressed my concerns to the nurse Eileen. I told her that I did not want to have the Herceptin treatment that is scheduled for February 11th as I want to be in the best possible condition for my upcoming surgery. She spoke with the oncologist, Dr. Tarukandirwa. He said that I may need more time to overcome the side effects and accepted my wish to delay Herceptin until after surgery. What's next? This week, on February 11th, I am having a MUGA scan (looks at heart function) and blood work. Next week, on February 18th, I go to Pre-Admissions at Red Deer Hospital to find out all I need to know before surgery. I am coping by taking one day at a time and dealing with the issues as they arise.

I am saddened by the terrible tragedy in Victoria, Australia. So many lives and homes have been lost because of the extreme bush fires. Meanwhile, residents of Queensland especially along the coast in the Ingham area are facing flooding conditions.

Memorable Birthdays

Memories:

Childhood birthdays meant celebrating with family. One early birthday picture shows me with siblings Alice and Keith, cousins Harold, Fred, and Orville, and Auntie Beulah. Over the years Mom made many wonderful chiffon cakes for my birthday. There were chocolate chip chiffons, cherry chiffons, and poppyseed chiffons with apricot filling. When we were very young, Mom always decorated our cakes with marshmallows cut into bunny shapes. I remember a treasure hunt for one birthday. It took me on an outdoor adventure but ended indoors in the washing machine, my gift being a cool set of building blocks. (This was prior to the invention of LEGO.)

The first time that I was to have a birthday party with friends was for my 13th birthday. No doubt, the February weather had some impact on whether or not one would have a party. I very much looked forward to this party but ended up sick in bed with the flu. We didn't have a phone at that time so could not let anyone know that there would be no party. Thus friends arrived, greeted me in bed, and then went on their way. Mom, best friend Sharon Winder-Nelson, sister Alice, and boyfriend Max planned a surprise party for my 18th. What a delightful surprise it was! Mom served homemade buns filled with a mixture of tuna, cheese, onion, and mushroom soup heated in the oven. After all these years what I remember is how surprised I was and how good those buns were!! When I turned 21, I was in my fourth and final year of university at the U of A in Edmonton. I recall my friend Paul buying a nice bottle of wine. In those days the magic number was 21, not 18 as it is now.

The next birthday that stands out in my memory was my 40th birthday. We were living in Acme at the time and moving from the Doc Fowler house ,which we had been renting, to the Mrs. Greenway house which we purchased. (The Fowler house had a basement made with stone from the Bow River. Mrs. Greenway was famous for her homemade cookies and was known to have given piano lessons to Wilf Carter.) In the midst of moving my cousin Janet Hovis (nee Bjorgum) arrived with a homemade cake. It was perfect timing and such a treat! My 50th birthday was also full of surprises. We celebrated at the Legion in Caroline. I was expecting a few friends, my husband and children, my parents and siblings. I was delighted to find Auntie Beulah and Sharon Winder-Nelson there as well!!

This Year:

Granddaughter Madison spent two nights with us, January 30th and 31st. Aina wrote her Module 3 Accounting Exam on January 31st. Helge was in Calgary for a conference for Newspaper reporters. Madison is good at entertaining herself so is easy to have around even if one is not feeling 100%. We did spend some time doing origami together, though. I showed her how to make a black-and-white panda. Sunday morning I dropped off Madison at her home in Red Deer and headed for Laurel's home in Leduc.

Laurel organized a wonderful party for me. Guests included Alice, Keith and Theresa, Glenn, Michelle, Tyler, Braden, and Erika. Laurel and three daughters Megan, Tamara, and Kayli were also present. Laurel and Michelle created a whirlwind in the kitchen, as always. We had kabobs with colored peppers, pineapple, red onions, and marinated meats done to perfection on the barbecue. This was accompanied by a delightful brown/wild rice pilaf an, excellent spinach salad, and good wine. Alice brought a mocha chiffon cake created by her wonderful cake-baking neighbour. I was spoiled with beautiful cards and gifts. Megan wrote a beautiful handwritten note on her card and included in her gift a pendant that had belonged to Mom. This pendant was passed on to Megan after Mom passed away. It consists of a small piece of metal with a Norwegian rune on one side and the word 'strength' engraved on the other. Megan said that she thought I needed it more than her at this time. What a lovely thought! Glenn was somewhat shocked at the delight that the 'girls' and I took in a daily "Handbag" calendar, a gift from Alice. This prompted much gaiety and some fun photos with the 'girls' and their handbags. (I was happy that brother Glenn took pictures of my birthday. It was only a month previous that he had taken our photos at the Christmas celebration at Laurel's. Our look would not have changed, but I liked the idea of commemorating different events with photos.) We enjoyed much laughter over Keith and Glenn's favorite You-Tubes also.

I stayed Sunday night at Laurel's. Monday morning the girls and Laurel headed to school and work, respectively. I enjoyed a leisurely morning watching Regis and Kelly and enjoying Rocky Mountain lavender bath salts in Laurel's jacuzzi. I also received birthday calls from Auntie Hazel, Auntie Laurie, and cousin Ken. I met two of Megan's friends who came home with her for lunch. After lunch, I left Laurel's and went to visit Auntie Janet in Edmonton. We had a nice, but too short visit. Auntie Janet is downsizing. She gave me a small Norwegian plate and a plate of the Blue Boy that was a shower gift to her from Mom.

After leaving Auntie Janet's I headed to Kai's place. ( Kai had been in Grande Cache since early January. I knew he was coming home for a short break in February, and was pleasantly surprised when I discovered he would be in Edmonton for my birthday.) Jocelyn(Kai's girlfriend), Aina and Madison, and I all arrived at the same time. Sonja was home already and Kai had not returned yet from errands downtown. We arranged to meet Kai at Moxie's for supper. We were all in Aina's vehicle except for Jocelyn who stayed home as she was not feeling well. On the way to Moxie's Kai called. He wanted to escort his Mother to supper!! Thus we met at Esso, and I jumped out of Aina's car and into Kai's. Then I hung on and kept my mouth shut as he manoeuvred through the traffic and showed me the wonderful pickup of his Lexus sedan!! The girls and I enjoyed our usual Tandoori salmon salad at Moxie's. I was even treated to dessert with a sparkler. We said goodbye to Kai and headed for Rexall Place.

By the time we reached Rexall Place there was still a fair lineup. We finally got in but the parking lot was rather full. Thus we parked some distance away and had a substantial and hurried hike. Fortunately, we were seated within a few minutes of So You Think You Can Dance Canada? starting. The show was certainly worth the anticipation, and worth the hike. It was emceed by the dancers themselves, usually in pairs. This certainly gave an opportunity to see more of each individual dancer's personality. Although I hadn't been especially impressed with Izaak on TV, I thought he really spoke and performed well in the show. After the couple introduced an act they would go backstage and get ready for their next performance. Between runny eyes from chemo and emotional response to the dancing, my eyes ran for the full first half of the performance!! Some highlights for me were Natalli and partner doing disco, "The Mirror" with Lisa and Vincent, African jazz with Lisa and partner, Allie and Danny's jive, Allie and Izaak's hip hop, Kaitlyn and Izaak's restaurant number, and Nico and Arassay's "Guardian Angel" dancing to Queen's "Somebody to Love." That music of Queen will get me going any time!! Each dancer performed individually, the top four performed together, and the top ten also performed together (pirate number with colorful costumes was one). We had seats on the floor close to the stage, but also enjoyed the three large screens which gave close-up views. It was a memorable experience, for sure! There was memorabilia for sale, but none of us felt like standing in line or fighting the crowds.

Tuesday was another easy-paced morning. Sonja and I enjoyed visiting over breakfast which she had prepared for both of us. Then she left for university. Kai returned from the gym and we had a little visit. I left around noon and headed for IKEA where I bought a new carpet for my living room and some more shelving brackets. Then it was off to Red Deer for appointments.

Red Deer and progress of treatment: My first appointment was at the Breast Clinic with Dr. Topstad. At my previous appointment she had forgotten to tell me about a dark area on rib number four behind my left breast. Neither a bone scan nor a chest x-ray have been able to clearly identify the source of the dark area. If it was cancerous it would not make sense to do surgery, she said. She also told me that my oncologist recommended surgery and that the final decision was up to me. After my appointment with Dr. Topstad I went to the Cancer Center and had my PICC line removed. I am so happy to have that contraption off my right arm!! As soon as I feel up to it I'm going swimming again!

It was good to be home again Tuesday evening. I had Wednesday at home, then headed to Red Deer on Thursday for an appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Tarukandirwa. He was pleased with my response to chemo, described the spot on my rib as non-specific and recommended surgery as soon as possible. I have decided to go ahead with surgery. I am not worried about my rib. I have no pain in that area. I also had a couple of good falls last year wherein I may have bruised my ribs.

My main concern of the moment is my response to the antibody Herceptin. I am shortwinded with a small amount of exertion. I have been extremely tired and have been having 2 - 3 hour afternoon naps in addition to my nightly quota of about 9 hours. I haven't been doing my usual walking as my hamstrings and calves feel so weak and sore. I noticed today that my ankles and calves are very swollen. Now it makes sense why the scale jumped 5 - 7 pounds mid week in only a day or so. I am retaining fluid! Tomorrow I shall call the Cancer Center and talk to the head nurse, Myrna. I am scheduled for a MUGA scan, blood work, and another Herceptin treatment on Thursday. I have decided that I do not want any more Herceptin treatments at this time. I want to be in the best possible condition before I go for surgery at the end of the month.

Shopping: I have added a few more pieces of Emile Henri 'granny' green dinnerware to my collection. I enjoy how the color green brings the outdoors indoors. It cheers my spirit.

Closing Thoughts: It has been a beautiful day with sun shining and temperatures between 5 and 10 degrees Celsius. I actually had a small walk today. We have two baby goats born a week ago, and two lots of puppies born over this weekend. It has been a busy couple of weeks so I am looking forward to a fairly quiet week. I have so enjoyed spending time with my family. I have also enjoyed many birthday phone calls and facebook greetings. I am truly blessed!!