Warmed by the Support of Family and Friends

It is just over four weeks since I had surgery. I am feeling quite well these days. The swelling and numbness in the breast/underarm area has virtually disappeared. The mobility of my left arm is increasing daily, and I am able to get through a few days at a time without napping.

Madison, my granddaughter, was on Spring Break last week and spent the week with us. We all had a great time. I had appointments on Thursday and Helge had meetings. Madison chose to spend the day with her Grandfather. They went to a meeting at the Caroline Complex in the morning to support the opening of a venue for Boys and Girls Club along with theatre on main street. Reg Dean is opposed to this venture. There was a good turn out at the meeting with strong support in favor of the venture. Later in the afternoon Madison and Helge went to Rocky to attend a meeting hosted by West Country Stakeholders. This group, funded by oil and gas companies operating in the Clearwater County, exists to minimize conflict between the companies and landowners. Various companies set up tables and handed out promotional freebies. Madison enjoyed going from table to table visiting with the company reps and collecting goodies like water bottles, magnifiers, magnets, pens and notebooks.

Madison took over the living area with her DVD watching and paper crafts. She enjoys cutting, gluing, drawing and coloring. We watched "Beauty and the Beast" together, and also made chocolate chip cookies. Madison sleeps with a little stuffed puppy that I gave her a couple of years ago. One evening she said to me, "Puppy was scared when he heard you had cancer, but I wasn't scared because I knew you would live."

My Thursday appointment was for a Herceptin treatment, the first since January 21st (last chemo). Linda, the social worker, came to see me during my treatment. We ended up having lunch together in the hospital cafeteria. We get along very well. We are both free spirits who love shoppping for clothes and jewelry. After leaving the hospital I went to Shopper's Drug by Michael's to purchase my mastectomy swimsuit and prostheses. As it was the last Thursday of the month I got a 20% discount.

I have had my blue moments but they are usually short-lived. I had a wonderful surprise phone call a couple of weeks ago from a childhood friend, Penny Giles. We have not had much contact in our adult years. We had a great time catching up over the phone. Penny underwent a lumpectomy and radiation before Christmas 2008. I also had a surprise visit from the lovely Danyle Holmes (Nutting.) She brought a beautiful gift of turquoise leather covered journal, pink marble and silver pen, magnet "Women who change the World," and turquoise decorative tea towel.

On Saturday, March 28th, I met with several colleagues (Cathy, Sherry, Judy, Barb, Pat, and Loralie) for lunch at the Tivoli in Spruce View. Afterwards Barb and Judy followed me home and we had afternoon tea together. My colleagues spoiled me, once again, with fresh-cut spring flowers, homemade pie, applesauce, cookies, and muffins.

Tulips, gerbera, carnations, daisies, statice, heather, iris, alstromeria

Sunday afternoon I enjoyed visiting Jackie Cooper in Caroline. She has resigned her math teaching position. All of our children were taught by Jackie. She has a brilliant mind and is an excellent teacher of math and physics. I would say she has had an epiphany. Financially she is able to retire now due to savings as well as monies from her Mother's estate and from an insurance settlement for a vehicle accident she was in a few years ago. In addition, she has not been enjoying her classes as much as in the past. She has had a struggle with weight and is now at an all-time low which is very motivating for continued weight-loss success. She has decided to make health her #l priority. I know that she will be successful!! Jackie showed me her fantastic bead collection, then we did some bead work. I have several books on beading but Sunday I made my first creation and was so proud of myself. I made a necklace and earrings in pink/wine/silver colors. Jackie also made me a bracelet and earrings in black,silver, and crystal. Like me, Jackie enjoys swimming. We plan to go swimming together after Easter.
This evening I had a phone call and lovely visit from Fred Majocha. He was married to my first cousin Marie who passed after a battle with breast cancer three years ago. Tomorrow Alice, Laurel, Kayli and I are leaving for Canmore for a five-day stay. Alice is on Spring Break. She has a timeshare in Canmore. I talked to Fred about meeting up with him and his new wife Val for supper on Friday evening in Canmore.
I feel so blessed by the support that I have had from family and friends. I can feel my heart bulging!!

The Hospital Experience and All That

Ready for surgery, minus the hat. Note the leggings and booties.

The nurse with this stethoscope used to milk cows. Another nurse had a happy face stethoscope.

It is two weeks today since I had my surgery. It was over 20 years ago since I was last in Red Deer Hospital, for Sonja's birth. Pre-Admissions was a new experience for me. About a week before surgery I attended a Pre-Admissions Clinic. All the necessary paperwork, and exchange of information was completed at that time. The day of surgery, I reported directly to Unit 24 at 9 in the morning. I changed into hospital gear, and after a small wait was taken to the operating room. I said goodbye to Helge at the operating room doors. Who do you think I first saw when I walked through the operating room doors?? I saw two familiar faces, two correctional guards from Bowden, accompanying an inmate!! I was taken to a bay where I laid down. I was visited by the anesthetist, Dr. Ferris, and my surgeon, Dr. Topstad. At every stop along the way, checking procedures were in place. What is your name? Date of birth? Dr. Topstad marked an "X" on the correct breast. Shortly after, I was wheeled into the operating theatre. My right arm was uncovered for the IV, my left arm was uncovered for surgery. Dr. Ferris said she was going to put an oxygen mask over my mouth, and that it would have an unpleasant rubbery smell. I remember nothing after that statement. My surgery was at approximately 11 a.m. It was about 1:15 p.m. when I awoke in the recovery room. A half hour later or so I was wheeled to my room. I was so thirsty since I had not had anything to drink since before midnight the night before surgery. I sipped slowly on the refreshing ice water given to me. Within a half hour it all came back up. In spite of this I ate my supper, a fluid diet - I was hungry. Unfortunately, my supper ended up in the same place as the ice water!! Helge arrived at my room shortly after I did, and brought my belongings. About a half hour later I received a beautiful bouquet of flowers from my siblings with yellow roses, yellow and orange gerberas, yellow daisies, rustic red stargazer lilies, a pink-and-white gladiola, fernery, and a little birdhouse. Aina visited after work. Although I was very groggy I enjoyed visiting with my husband and daughter, as well as my roommate Joyce Ladd from Alhambra. My night nurse, Erika Joy, was a sweetheart and very competent, too. She went to high school in Camrose with my niece, Liana.

View from Room 2415

My beautiful flowers

On Friday morning, any sign of nausea had disappeared. I enjoyed a fluid diet for breakfast and lunch, but was on a regular diet by supper time. I had a busy morning. Peggy McTaggart, visited me from the breast clinic. She used to be a Trautman, and is a niece of Donna Trautman, whom I went to College with. She brought me a temporary prostheses, called a "puff," as well as a list of suppliers of mastectomy prostheses, bras, tank tops, lingery, and swim wear for both Red Deer and Edmonton. Peggy also brought me a little heart-shaped pillow, made by a volunteer, to tuck under my left arm for comfort. Later I was visited by the physiotherapist, a lovely young woman who emigrated from Poland three years ago. She showed me how to do several exercises for my left arm so that I don't lose mobility and I decrease the risk of lymphedema. I also had an exquisite delivery on Friday morning from Jarl, Rebecca, Spencer, and Parker: a beautiful vase with yellow and purple orchids and anthurium. My roommate Joyce went home, and I was joined by Dena from Didsbury. We did not do much visiting as she was a very private person, and was visited by her boyfriend for much of the time. My visitors on Friday were Helge and Aina and Madison. Aina and Madison each brought me a large stuffed bear. Instead of spending $10 per day for television rental Helge decided to buy me a small walkman so I could listen to my favorite radio programs. I was told that I would be spending more than one night in hospital as my hemoglobin and blood pressure were both very low. Dr. Topstad had the weekend off but asked the surgeon-on-call, Dr. Panayides to check in on me. I was also told that I would be moved to another unit as soon as a bed was available. The idea is to empty out Unit 24 to have it ready for the next week's surgery patients.

Aina, Madison, and the bears

Madison and the polar bear

On Saturday afternoon around 3:30 I was moved to Unit 21. My new roomate was Mrs. Campbell (first name escapes me at the moment.) She was very congenial, and we had a good time visiting. I was not terribly impressed by the atmosphere of Unit 21, and was not totally confident in the care of some of the nurses. My roommate had a broken ankle. I turned the lights out a 9:00 p.m. An hour later, all the overhead lights were turned on as they came to take my roommate for surgery. No one turned them off. I thought perhaps they might be coming back to the room. After about a half hour I got up and turned out the lights. At midnight they returned my partner from surgery so, once again, there were bright lights and lots of noise. I did not get much rest that night!!

Sunday morning after breakfast, my partner's sister, husband and daughter visited from Alder Flats. They brought Tim Horton's coffee (in a 8 - 10 cup cardboard container) and cookies. It was party time, and I was included. We had a lovely social time. Sunday afternoon I went home with a prescription for iron (ferrous sulphate) to raise my hemoglobin levels.

Monday was a quiet home day. On Tuesday I went to the home care nurse in Sundre to have my dressing changed, and my progress observed. After that I bought groceries at Sobeys. Moneywise the timing was good. With the 10% Tuesday and my Sobeys card I saved about $25.
Healthwise, I may have been too ambitious. Tuesday evening I was in agony with pain. Up until this time I had not had any pain. Extra-strength Tylenol helped me cope with the pain. I did not return to Sundre home care until Friday as I was expecting to go to Red Deer on Wednesday or Thursday. Dr. Panayides had requested a midweek follow-up appointment for me with Dr. Topstad. His requests had not been carried out. When I called to check I was not able to get a booking with Dr. Topstad. Audrey, the home care nurse, thought the site of my drainage tube insertion looked like it might be infected. She referred me to Dr. Raj, the doctor on call at Sundre Hospital. Dr. Raj prescribed an antibiotic. Within 24 hours of antibiotic the pain was gone. Each drainage tube had a plastic hand-grenade shaped container (Jackson Pratt or JP) attached to the end. I was taught how to empty these, and did so two or three times daily. I was so thankful that Helge did all the meal prep and dish washing my first week home. Sunday morning I had a yearning for waffles and breakfast sausage, so I cooked breakfast. I have been doing most of the cooking and dishes since. It takes me a while since I stop for rests, but I get there eventually!!

On Monday of this week I had a follow-up appointment with Dr. Topstad. She removed my drainage tubes to reduce the risk of any further infection. I was so thankful to be rid of those!! It has been so much easier to rest and sleep without having those JPs at my side. Tuesday afternoon Rebecca and Spencer and Parker visited. They were down from Peace River for a few days. It was so nice to see them, and always sad to say goodbye. Rebecca spoiled me with adding three more pieces to my Emile Henri "granny" collection: two dinner plates, and a rectangular serving tray. Thursday morning I had an appointment in Red Deer with Dr. Nijjar, the radiation oncologist from Edmonton, who comes to the Red Deer Cancer Center once per month. He said that of the twelve lymph nodes removed, only four were viable. I would need to have both the chest and underarm area radiated. It is possible that they will build a shield for me to protect other organs, like my lungs, from radiation. Radiation will be once per week day for 5 weeks, starting probably mid-April at the Cancer Center in Edmonton. I am trying to get accommodation at Compassion House during that time. I could certainly stay with Kai and Sonja, and will do so if necessary, but I like the idea of staying with other women who are going through experiences similar to mine. (Of course I will want to visit with family.) I also saw Dr. Topstad on Thursday. She used a syringe to drain the buildup of fluid that had occurred since having my drainage tubes removed. (From the drainage point of view the tubes had been removed too early.) After I left the hospital, I checked out the Shoppers Drug Store down by Tony Roma's in south Red Deer. I wanted to checked out their mastectomy supplies. Lydia was very helpful and thoughtful in showing me what was available. Although the selection of swimwear was small, I found a swimsuit I really liked and that fit almost perfectly. They have a special prostheses for swimwear. It will take on the smell of the water you swim in (chlorine) so is not what you might want to wear daily. It is also a mold rather than a solid form like the permanent prostheses. I was intrigued by "Bean-a-Boob," a lightweight prostheses filled with beans (as in bean bags) that can be shaped to any type of bra you might wear. I will not be fitted for a permanent prosthesis until 6-8 weeks following radiation.

Thursday, March 12th, Red Deer

This morning Red Deer Cancer center called with my first radiation appointment. I have to be at the Cross Cancer Center in Edmonton on April 9th at 10:30 a.m. This is a preliminary appointment with exam, simulation, and education. I expect treatment will probably start the following week. My next follow-up appointment with Dr. Topstad is this coming Monday, March 16th. Thus I will have a few quiet days at home. I am enjoying this beautiful weather (7C+ on Friday the 13th, just past noon.) What a contrast to the -30C of a few days ago. It is so much easier to relax when the weather is mild!! I am so looking forward to my holiday with Alice, Laurel and Kayli in Canmore at the end of the month.

Musically Speaking: Did you know that comedian/actor Steve Martin is a skilled banjo player? He has just released a CD, The Crow, Steve Martin. Collaborators on this CD are Dolly Parton, Vince Gill, and Earl Scruggs. Add it to the wish list!!

Facing Reality

Reflections: A week from today I will be undergoing a modified radical mastectomy. As long as I was going through chemotherapy, I put surgery at the back of my mind. Now reality is staring me in the face!! I am not thrilled at what lies ahead of me but I am trying to put this event in perspective. I can be thankful that I have lived 60 years with no major health concerns. I have been given the privilege of being a parent four times over and have breastfed all four children. I am not losing an eye, an arm, or a leg. I am still alive!! I have talked to several women who have experienced breast cancer. Amazingly, no two stories are the same. Every diagnosis is different as is every treatment. By outward appearances nothing seems to have changed in their lives! These women are inspirations for me.

Treatment: On February 11th, I had a MUGA scan and some blood work. A week later, on the 18th I went to the Pre-Admissions clinic at the Red Deer hospital. I answered all sorts of health-related questions and was given information on what to expect next week and how to get prepared. I also had more blood work, an ECG, and a chest xray. On Monday I will be having a consult with the anaesthetist. My legs and feet are still swollen but I think there is some improvement.

Family and Friends: Sonja, Aina, Madison and Trevor had supper with us on February 15th. Sonja also stayed for a few days as it was Reading Week for University of Alberta students. After my appointment and some shopping in Red Deer on February 18th, I headed for Innisfail. Judy Hopkins hosted afterwork coffee and snacks for my colleagues and me. I have met with my colleagues regularly since my diagnosis. Time with family and friends are wonderful spirit boosters!!

The Beatles , Buddy Holly, Bush Fires and Me

It was 45 years ago that The Beatles appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show. That was their introduction to America. Does anyone remember that event? 50 years ago Buddy Holly was killed in a plane crash. While I ironed Helge's shirts this evening I enjoyed listening to Roy Forbes' tribute to Buddy Holly on CKUA.

Red Deer Hospital called today. My surgery is confirmed for February 26th. I also called the Cancer Center regarding the swelling of my legs and feet. My information on the antibody Herceptin tells me that this is a side effect. I expressed my concerns to the nurse Eileen. I told her that I did not want to have the Herceptin treatment that is scheduled for February 11th as I want to be in the best possible condition for my upcoming surgery. She spoke with the oncologist, Dr. Tarukandirwa. He said that I may need more time to overcome the side effects and accepted my wish to delay Herceptin until after surgery. What's next? This week, on February 11th, I am having a MUGA scan (looks at heart function) and blood work. Next week, on February 18th, I go to Pre-Admissions at Red Deer Hospital to find out all I need to know before surgery. I am coping by taking one day at a time and dealing with the issues as they arise.

I am saddened by the terrible tragedy in Victoria, Australia. So many lives and homes have been lost because of the extreme bush fires. Meanwhile, residents of Queensland especially along the coast in the Ingham area are facing flooding conditions.

Memorable Birthdays

Memories:

Childhood birthdays meant celebrating with family. One early birthday picture shows me with siblings Alice and Keith, cousins Harold, Fred, and Orville, and Auntie Beulah. Over the years Mom made many wonderful chiffon cakes for my birthday. There were chocolate chip chiffons, cherry chiffons, and poppyseed chiffons with apricot filling. When we were very young, Mom always decorated our cakes with marshmallows cut into bunny shapes. I remember a treasure hunt for one birthday. It took me on an outdoor adventure but ended indoors in the washing machine, my gift being a cool set of building blocks. (This was prior to the invention of LEGO.)

The first time that I was to have a birthday party with friends was for my 13th birthday. No doubt, the February weather had some impact on whether or not one would have a party. I very much looked forward to this party but ended up sick in bed with the flu. We didn't have a phone at that time so could not let anyone know that there would be no party. Thus friends arrived, greeted me in bed, and then went on their way. Mom, best friend Sharon Winder-Nelson, sister Alice, and boyfriend Max planned a surprise party for my 18th. What a delightful surprise it was! Mom served homemade buns filled with a mixture of tuna, cheese, onion, and mushroom soup heated in the oven. After all these years what I remember is how surprised I was and how good those buns were!! When I turned 21, I was in my fourth and final year of university at the U of A in Edmonton. I recall my friend Paul buying a nice bottle of wine. In those days the magic number was 21, not 18 as it is now.

The next birthday that stands out in my memory was my 40th birthday. We were living in Acme at the time and moving from the Doc Fowler house ,which we had been renting, to the Mrs. Greenway house which we purchased. (The Fowler house had a basement made with stone from the Bow River. Mrs. Greenway was famous for her homemade cookies and was known to have given piano lessons to Wilf Carter.) In the midst of moving my cousin Janet Hovis (nee Bjorgum) arrived with a homemade cake. It was perfect timing and such a treat! My 50th birthday was also full of surprises. We celebrated at the Legion in Caroline. I was expecting a few friends, my husband and children, my parents and siblings. I was delighted to find Auntie Beulah and Sharon Winder-Nelson there as well!!

This Year:

Granddaughter Madison spent two nights with us, January 30th and 31st. Aina wrote her Module 3 Accounting Exam on January 31st. Helge was in Calgary for a conference for Newspaper reporters. Madison is good at entertaining herself so is easy to have around even if one is not feeling 100%. We did spend some time doing origami together, though. I showed her how to make a black-and-white panda. Sunday morning I dropped off Madison at her home in Red Deer and headed for Laurel's home in Leduc.

Laurel organized a wonderful party for me. Guests included Alice, Keith and Theresa, Glenn, Michelle, Tyler, Braden, and Erika. Laurel and three daughters Megan, Tamara, and Kayli were also present. Laurel and Michelle created a whirlwind in the kitchen, as always. We had kabobs with colored peppers, pineapple, red onions, and marinated meats done to perfection on the barbecue. This was accompanied by a delightful brown/wild rice pilaf an, excellent spinach salad, and good wine. Alice brought a mocha chiffon cake created by her wonderful cake-baking neighbour. I was spoiled with beautiful cards and gifts. Megan wrote a beautiful handwritten note on her card and included in her gift a pendant that had belonged to Mom. This pendant was passed on to Megan after Mom passed away. It consists of a small piece of metal with a Norwegian rune on one side and the word 'strength' engraved on the other. Megan said that she thought I needed it more than her at this time. What a lovely thought! Glenn was somewhat shocked at the delight that the 'girls' and I took in a daily "Handbag" calendar, a gift from Alice. This prompted much gaiety and some fun photos with the 'girls' and their handbags. (I was happy that brother Glenn took pictures of my birthday. It was only a month previous that he had taken our photos at the Christmas celebration at Laurel's. Our look would not have changed, but I liked the idea of commemorating different events with photos.) We enjoyed much laughter over Keith and Glenn's favorite You-Tubes also.

I stayed Sunday night at Laurel's. Monday morning the girls and Laurel headed to school and work, respectively. I enjoyed a leisurely morning watching Regis and Kelly and enjoying Rocky Mountain lavender bath salts in Laurel's jacuzzi. I also received birthday calls from Auntie Hazel, Auntie Laurie, and cousin Ken. I met two of Megan's friends who came home with her for lunch. After lunch, I left Laurel's and went to visit Auntie Janet in Edmonton. We had a nice, but too short visit. Auntie Janet is downsizing. She gave me a small Norwegian plate and a plate of the Blue Boy that was a shower gift to her from Mom.

After leaving Auntie Janet's I headed to Kai's place. ( Kai had been in Grande Cache since early January. I knew he was coming home for a short break in February, and was pleasantly surprised when I discovered he would be in Edmonton for my birthday.) Jocelyn(Kai's girlfriend), Aina and Madison, and I all arrived at the same time. Sonja was home already and Kai had not returned yet from errands downtown. We arranged to meet Kai at Moxie's for supper. We were all in Aina's vehicle except for Jocelyn who stayed home as she was not feeling well. On the way to Moxie's Kai called. He wanted to escort his Mother to supper!! Thus we met at Esso, and I jumped out of Aina's car and into Kai's. Then I hung on and kept my mouth shut as he manoeuvred through the traffic and showed me the wonderful pickup of his Lexus sedan!! The girls and I enjoyed our usual Tandoori salmon salad at Moxie's. I was even treated to dessert with a sparkler. We said goodbye to Kai and headed for Rexall Place.

By the time we reached Rexall Place there was still a fair lineup. We finally got in but the parking lot was rather full. Thus we parked some distance away and had a substantial and hurried hike. Fortunately, we were seated within a few minutes of So You Think You Can Dance Canada? starting. The show was certainly worth the anticipation, and worth the hike. It was emceed by the dancers themselves, usually in pairs. This certainly gave an opportunity to see more of each individual dancer's personality. Although I hadn't been especially impressed with Izaak on TV, I thought he really spoke and performed well in the show. After the couple introduced an act they would go backstage and get ready for their next performance. Between runny eyes from chemo and emotional response to the dancing, my eyes ran for the full first half of the performance!! Some highlights for me were Natalli and partner doing disco, "The Mirror" with Lisa and Vincent, African jazz with Lisa and partner, Allie and Danny's jive, Allie and Izaak's hip hop, Kaitlyn and Izaak's restaurant number, and Nico and Arassay's "Guardian Angel" dancing to Queen's "Somebody to Love." That music of Queen will get me going any time!! Each dancer performed individually, the top four performed together, and the top ten also performed together (pirate number with colorful costumes was one). We had seats on the floor close to the stage, but also enjoyed the three large screens which gave close-up views. It was a memorable experience, for sure! There was memorabilia for sale, but none of us felt like standing in line or fighting the crowds.

Tuesday was another easy-paced morning. Sonja and I enjoyed visiting over breakfast which she had prepared for both of us. Then she left for university. Kai returned from the gym and we had a little visit. I left around noon and headed for IKEA where I bought a new carpet for my living room and some more shelving brackets. Then it was off to Red Deer for appointments.

Red Deer and progress of treatment: My first appointment was at the Breast Clinic with Dr. Topstad. At my previous appointment she had forgotten to tell me about a dark area on rib number four behind my left breast. Neither a bone scan nor a chest x-ray have been able to clearly identify the source of the dark area. If it was cancerous it would not make sense to do surgery, she said. She also told me that my oncologist recommended surgery and that the final decision was up to me. After my appointment with Dr. Topstad I went to the Cancer Center and had my PICC line removed. I am so happy to have that contraption off my right arm!! As soon as I feel up to it I'm going swimming again!

It was good to be home again Tuesday evening. I had Wednesday at home, then headed to Red Deer on Thursday for an appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Tarukandirwa. He was pleased with my response to chemo, described the spot on my rib as non-specific and recommended surgery as soon as possible. I have decided to go ahead with surgery. I am not worried about my rib. I have no pain in that area. I also had a couple of good falls last year wherein I may have bruised my ribs.

My main concern of the moment is my response to the antibody Herceptin. I am shortwinded with a small amount of exertion. I have been extremely tired and have been having 2 - 3 hour afternoon naps in addition to my nightly quota of about 9 hours. I haven't been doing my usual walking as my hamstrings and calves feel so weak and sore. I noticed today that my ankles and calves are very swollen. Now it makes sense why the scale jumped 5 - 7 pounds mid week in only a day or so. I am retaining fluid! Tomorrow I shall call the Cancer Center and talk to the head nurse, Myrna. I am scheduled for a MUGA scan, blood work, and another Herceptin treatment on Thursday. I have decided that I do not want any more Herceptin treatments at this time. I want to be in the best possible condition before I go for surgery at the end of the month.

Shopping: I have added a few more pieces of Emile Henri 'granny' green dinnerware to my collection. I enjoy how the color green brings the outdoors indoors. It cheers my spirit.

Closing Thoughts: It has been a beautiful day with sun shining and temperatures between 5 and 10 degrees Celsius. I actually had a small walk today. We have two baby goats born a week ago, and two lots of puppies born over this weekend. It has been a busy couple of weeks so I am looking forward to a fairly quiet week. I have so enjoyed spending time with my family. I have also enjoyed many birthday phone calls and facebook greetings. I am truly blessed!!

The Next Step

Yesterday I had an appointment with my surgeon, Dr. Topstad, to discuss surgery. She was very pleased with the effectiveness of chemo in reducing the size of my tumour. I was hopeful that I would not have to have any lymph nodes removed. However, that is not to be. There is a fairly new procedure called sentinel lymph node biopsy wherein a blue dye or a radioactive substance is injected into the nodes. The sentinel nodes, the ones that pick up the dye first, are the ones that are draining the breast of fluids that may contain cancerous cells. The blue or radioactive nodes are examined under microscope. If no cancer is found the rest of the nodes are left in place. This procedure is not very effective for someone who has undergone chemo, like myself. Thus I will have lymph nodes as well as breast removed. One of my friends, who had one breast removed, said she wished she had had both removed. She finds an imbalance in the weight of the prostheses and the weight of her remaining breast. As a result she has frequent pain in one shoulder, even with regular exercise. I asked Dr. Topstad about having both breasts removed. I explained my concerns regarding imbalance, and also the risk of cancer in the second breast. She said that the imbalance concern is a valid one. The risk of cancer in the second breast is quite low. However, she said, the removal of both breasts, especially after chemo, is a difficult surgery. She said she would only perform surgery on one. If I still wanted the other removed I could do that in a later surgery. She believes that undergoing a second anaesthetic is preferable to having both breasts removed in one surgery.

Dr. Topstad is going to try for surgery on February 26th. She has to contact the Cancer Center to coordinate surgery with my schedule for treatment with the antibody Herceptin. I have an appointment for Herceptin on February 11th. She needs to make sure that surgery two weeks later is okay. If not, either the Herceptin appointment or the proposed surgery date will have to be altered. After surgery I will be in hospital one night for sure, and possibly two depending on how well I am feeling. I will have bandages and drainage tubes (to remove blood and lymph that accumulates during healing) for about ten days following surgery. Regular exercises for my shoulders and arms will be necessary for mobility. After surgery, the next step is radiation. How much radiation depends on the results of the pathology report on the tissue removed. At the very least it looks like I will have my chest wall radiated. This means going to Calgary or Edmonton. I will plan to go to Edmonton.

I asked Dr. Topstad about the best time for removing my PICC line and replacing it with a Porta Cath. She recommended that I wait until after my surgery. After my appointment with Dr. Topstad I went to the Cancer Center to have my PICC line flushed and dressing changed. The nurse Sonja told me that Herceptin is not hard on the veins like chemo is, that I have good veins, and that I should not need to have either a PICC or a Porta Cath. They are going to check this out with the oncologist and I will check it out with Dr. Topstad. It looks very likely that I will have my PICC line removed next week. Yay! I look forward to short sleeves and going swimming.

It is now a week since my last chemo. My energy levels are quite low. I still have some numbness in my fingers and toes. In addition, I have had some inflammation of the skin covering the knuckles on both hands. This is the first time I've had this side effect. It is looking a bit better today, though. I have not had any soreness in the roof of my mouth, or any difficulty swallowing so far. My taste buds do not seem to have been affected to the same extent as in the past. It is good to know that once I bounce back from these side effects I will not have to face another chemo treatment!! I truly feel like I've had enough!!

It's a Celebration!

Chemo treatment: Yesterday was my sixth and final chemo treament. Hurrah!! It's hard to believe I've come this far. It doesn't seem that long ago since I was telling myself, "Patience, girl. You can do this." My appointment yesterday was for 10:15 a.m. I wasn't finished until 1:30 p.m., much later than I expected. It turns out that my nurse hooked up the drips but forgot to turn them on right away. I was sitting in my reclining chair in my 2-chair south-facing bay enjoying the warmth of my heated blanket, and of the afternoon sun. I hadn't noticed that the progress was slow initially because I was preoccupied with watching TV, reading, and visiting. I watched most of Regis and Kelly Live, read most of my book "The Four Agreements," and visited with my two companions in chemo.

The first person to share the space with me was Steve who works for Mental Health in Red Deer. He worked as a mental health counsellor for many years, and is now in management. When he completed his treatment I was joined by Ernie, a farmer from the Bentley area. He was adopted out as a child. His birth parents, from the Camrose area, have never wanted contact with him and he has felt the same in return. I shared my Joan story with him. Coming and going I ran into Errol MacIntyre and his wife (Cathy, I think) from Ponoka. I shared space with Errol on my fifth treatment. He was on the Ponoka Stampede Board for 35 years. His wife is a retired school teacher (Phys Ed) who still subs and is an avid golfer. She is looking forward to supervising a group of girls competing in golf in Phoenix later this year. Her costs will be covered by grant money available to this group. I also met Gord the pharmacist yesterday. He was sharing his enthusiasm regarding a book he purchased recently from Shopper's Drug in Rocky Mountain House. First he talked to the nurses at the station, and then to one of the patients he appeared to know. My curiosity got the better of me so I had to inquire what the book was called. It was a book called "Cancer is a Word, not a Sentence." I said that I had heard the statement but had not heard of the book. He said he purchased it because he knew the author Dr. Robert Buckman to be credible. I thought to myself, "I must check into that."
He then asked about my book. We had a nice little conversation. When treatment goes over the lunch hour we are served lunch. Yesterday was a lovely leek/potato chowder, half a ham/cheese sandwich and green tea.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz: I purchased this book some time ago but hadn't yet read it. I chose to take it with me because it appeared to be light, easy reading. I enjoyed Hal Urban's 2o Life Lessons but that is a lot to lessons to remember without reviewing. I liked the simplicity of only 4 agreements. I related very well to these agreements because these have already been guiding principles in my life, and it is always nice to have affirmation. Simply put the principles are as follows:
1. Be impeccable with your word, that is, be true to yourself and others. Be authentic. A quote from a book I read in my youth Notes to Myself comes to mind: "The surest way for me to have a bad time is to do something because I think I should do it." These shoulds don't always come from within.
2. Don't take anything personally. This reminds me of a quote of my favorite cartoon character from my university days, Ziggy: "Don't worry about what other people think of you. The truth is they are too busy thinking about themselves to think about you at all." That, of course, doesn't mean that we are uncaring people. It simply means that many/most of our actions are motivated by self-interest and we don't always stop to think how it may affect another person.
3. Don't make assumptions. Communicate clearly. Ask questions. This is especially important in our major personal relationships.
4. Do your best. Don't beat yourself up if you don't meet your expectations. Keep working towards your goal. I was inspired a number of years ago by a quotation by Mr. Bojangles who said he always danced his best, whether he was dancing before the Queen or he was dancing for a mere handful of people. I decided that I would always give my best even if I thought I was not being paid what I deserved. I would be thankful to have a job and I would give my best.

Shopping: After treatment I had about an hour-and-a-half before meeting my friend, Marilyn Martin, for coffee. What should I do? I had errands to run at Staples but I would do that on the way home. I could check out the cancer book at Shoppers but I didn't really have money to spend on it at this time. (EI sick benefits have run out and it is another couple of weeks until I receive any disability payment from Great West Life.) I decided to go to Value Village, a favorite spot through many years of low income. My girls refer to it a VV's. Marilyn calls it Value Village where the age rhymes with the age in corsage. How sophisticated!! I checked out the CDs and books. I always have to put many things back on the shelf because I typically find more than what I can afford! I came away with 2 CDs, and 7 books, two for Helge. One of the books I was very excited about was What you Really Need to Know About Cancer by Dr. Robert Buckman the author that the pharmacist Gord told me about. It is an older publication than the book he mentioned but I'm sure that much of the information is still valid. Every four books purchased at VV's earns a free one. That was my freebie.

Coffee with Marilyn: I hadn't spent time with Marilyn since last spring so it was a treat to meet her at City Roast for coffee and a shared piece of carrot cake. We only had a short time as she was on a break from work. We caught up on the news of our respective families. We plan to get together again soon so we have some chit-chat time. It is always a boost to have time with friends no matter how short!!

Brainyworks: Throughout my life I have been motivated by an insatiable curiosity. I was always asking questions. It exasperated my grade 3/4 teacher, Mrs. Gladys Simonson, to the point where she would say "What IS IT, Elaine? My grade six teacher, Mr. Lyle Erga, was not so troubled by it. He said that the reason I knew so much was that I was always asking questions. My brain doesn't feel like it's simply firing on all eight cylinders. It more often feels more like major fireworks. Not only am I consumed by my own interests, but I get consumed by other people's interests, and then their business becomes my business. Whether researching on the internet or shopping, I am thinking " So-and-so would be interested in this" or "I should buy this for so-and-so." How do I tame this wild brain? My parents recognized this early on when they provided me with a quiet study place, free of distraction. Here are a couple of my favorite strategies:
1. Origami. This has been my hobby for about forty years. When I am folding paper all other thoughts and worries disappear from my mind. Since I have had time off I am trying to learn many of my favorite folds by heart and to learn many new folds. In the springtime I am going to teach a workshop to Art Sparks, a craft group for disabled adults in Rocky Mountain House. I am also going to do some volunteering with my Granddaughter Madison's grade 3 class in Red Deer. On Saturday I am going to display my work at a Women's Showcase in Caroline.
2. Ironing. Believe it or not, this is one of my favorite activities! I especially like ironing Helge's beautiful cotton shirts. Over the years I have bought most of his shirts from Value Village. The six shirts I purchased most recently were in such great condition that they became "good shirts" and the past "good shirts" became "everyday shirts." No, I do not iron the "everyday shirts." Up until a couple of weeks ago I tried to get my ironing done early in the day so that I could take advantage of the natural light. Then I was delighted to discover one of Helge's good work lamps that he usually uses outdoors. I rigged up the lamp on a Monday evening. From 6 until 7 p.m. I listened to Roy Forbes on CKUA play never- before- released recordings of Hank Williams. For a whole hour my mind was focused on music and ironing. What a treat! (NOTE: In the past, particulary, I have frequently compared orgasm to all-encompassing fireworks but never felt the need for any taming there!!)

I got home early enough to make and enjoy supper with Helge. I had to stay up until 10:00 p.m. to watch Criminal Minds. I just can't get enough of those crime shows, an unhealthy obsession, my husband believes. I really am trying to limit what I watch. I got to bed after 11:00 but didn't get to sleep for another couple of hours. The nurses say that the anti-nausea steroids are responsible for that. Once I finally got to sleep I had a good rest. All in all, it was a great day!